That They May Know Virtue…

Romeo, Romeo, WHERE Art Thou, Romeo?!

12 Feb 2011 11 Comments

by campcommit in Stay-at-Home Daughters

“How are you going to find someone to marry if you don’t go to college?” This is a question I have received many, many times, and each time someone asks it, I find myself somewhat speechless – not because I don’t know how to answer, but because I find it funny that someone would actually feel the need to ask. It’s a pretty amusing question if you think about it. I mean, women managed to get married for hundreds of years without going away to college, and yet now we find it incredible that a young lady might actually meet a special young man whilst living under her father’s roof.

That question seems to assume several things. First, it assumes that going to college is somehow a guarantee of finding a mate. Second, it seems to suggest that it is impossible, under present circumstances, for me to interact with young men – as if I am locked away in a tower never to venture out into the “real” world. Third, it implies that if I want to get married, I’d best be sure to take an active role and throw myself into situations where there is an abundance of single men or I run the risk of ending up an old maid.

It’s no secret that many young women are in college to pursue a relationship rather than a degree. Girls who would like to start a family assume that going to college will increase their chances of finding a man to marry. But even at a Christian college, there is no guarantee that you will meet the right man. Having more men to choose from in no way makes the right man any easier to spot; in fact, it may complicate matters. (As a side note, say you did end up going to college because you felt that was the best place to find a husband – finding him could potentially cost more than $60,000! That’s one expensive guy!).

I do not need to throw myself into situations where single men abound. I do not even have to be concerned about whether or not I get married. There is a huge misconception when someone asks, “How are you going to find a man to marry?” The answer is, I’m not going to find a husband. I am depending on the Lord to find my husband, and I know that He is more than able to orchestrate events to bring us together whether we live in the same town or several countries away from each other. When did we stop believing that God can work through any circumstances to bring about His will? When did Christians start thinking that they need to help God along in the process of finding a mate? I see no reason to remove myself from my father’s protection simply because some think I would have a better chance of getting married if I throw myself out into the world.

The waters of guy/girl relationships can be pretty tricky to navigate in any circumstances. I simply cannot imagine trying to evaluate a young man’s worth without the input of those who know and love me most – my family. Does admitting that I may not always be able to make completely wise decisions regarding young men mean that I am not mature enough to get married? I don’t think so. God has given me my parents for a reason – to protect, guide and assist me until my father gives me away in marriage. I don’t think it is immature to rely on their wise counsel and listen to their advice about young men. I am a girl and, believe it or not, I am not always level-headed (I know that comes as a big shock). I’d rather have the support of my parents when it comes to making decisions about marriage than the advice of college students who do not necessarily have the same values as I do. Someone will have to keep my feet on the ground when I become twitter-pated over a young man, and I have more faith in my parents than in my peers to do so.

Soon after I answer the skeptical question about how I will ever find a man to marry if I live at home, the person I am speaking to usually looks at my sympathetically and asks, “What if you never get married?” as if to remind me that if I don’t take their advice, the terrible fate of spinsterhood looms on the horizon.

Rest assured, the idea of never getting married does not make me want to run out and drag the first guy I meet down to the courthouse to sign a marriage license. I am not desperate to get married. Seeing as I am the ripe old age of twenty, I know that’s hard for you to believe. I mean, come on, I’m practically a spinster already, it’s high time I consider the real possibility that I will remain single until the day I die ;-) But truly, marriage is not my main goal in life, therefore the idea of living without it does not send chills down my back.

Admittedly, one purpose of my living at home is to better prepare for marriage and motherhood. However, that is not the ONLY purpose of living at home. I do not have a rule that says, “If I’m not married by the time I’m 25, I will leave home and give up on the idea of biblical womanhood.” I have committed myself to remaining under my father’s roof because I believe God’s design is for fathers to protect their unmarried daughters. That principle does not expire when I reach a certain age and living at home is not simply a way of passing the time before marriage. “The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband.” (1 Corinthians 7:34). In this season of my life I have the opportunity to focus wholeheartedly on serving my Lord without the distraction of college, or being married, or feeling like I need to find a husband.

So, how will I find someone to marry? By waiting on God’s timing. What if I never get married? I will continue to serve God to the utmost of my ability. Obviously it is not God’s will that I be married today. I don’t see why I would live any different if the same should be true twenty years from now. Though I do hope to be married and raise a God-loving family one day, that is not my top priority right now. Using every ounce of energy to glorify God IS, and I can do that from home with less distractions than at a college campus.

“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:12-13). In marriage or in singleness, contentment is the key. And contentment comes with knowing that God has a plan for your life that will benefit the Kingdom, not simply fulfill your every whim and desire. We have a purpose bigger than just getting married, and we can fulfill that purpose through Christ who gives us strength.

For Him,

Brittany N.

5 Reasons why I am a College Dropout

11 Jan 2011 4 Comments

by campcommit in Stay-at-Home Daughters

When I tell people that I don’t go to college, and have no plans to do so in the future, I often receive a blank look accompanied by the blunt question, “Why?” It’s hard to answer sometimes because there are so many reasons for my choice. Occasionally, a simple answer of, “I feel home is where I can best serve the Lord,” will suffice, but more often than not, people are genuinely curious about my decision and want to know more. The biggest problem I face is how to explain myself fully without giving offense (or boring my listeners). But here’s my best shot.

Let me begin with this disclaimer: I do not believe that it is a sin for girls to go to college. In fact, I believe that some girls truly are called to enter that environment. However, I also believe that a huge number of girls are in college not because it is something God has called them to do, but because it is something our culture has called them to do. To most people it seems as natural a step as learning to read – “It’s just something that you have to do.”

My point in this post is not that girls should never go to college but that they should carefully and prayerfully consider whether the dangers of obtaining a degree outweigh the benefits. So, to answer the question, here are a few reasons why I chose not to attend college:

1) I do not believe earning a degree is necessary to be pleasing to God.

As with many other things, we as Christians have accepted what the world considers necessary and have not weighed it against God’s priorities. The world has told women that they should pursue whatever their passions are and that they should make as much money as possible so that they can live independent lives. We have been indoctrinated to believe that women should not have to be “tied down” to a family or home life and that they should be encouraged to go after any self-centered dream they desire. Naturally, in many cases, this agenda requires getting a degree.

In the last post, I talked about God’s design for women: helper, servant, mother, etc. The question is, does getting a degree run alongside these principles? For me, the answer is “no.” My ultimate goal is to please God. From Scripture I read that the things which please God include evangelism, hospitality, caring for orphans and widows, serving my family, being a good steward of money, being peaceful, content, pure in heart, loving, respectful of authority, encouraging people, admonishing others toward good works, giving glory to God, and sacrificing my desires in exchange for God’s plans (among many other things). Interestingly enough, none of the commandments that I read about in the Bible require a degree. In fact, spending four years in college could actually keep me from doing these things and cause me to lose sight of my goal.

2) I found that pursuing a degree was spiritually damaging.

Having spent a year taking classes at our community college, I can attest that it is very difficult to stay focused on the things of God while trying to pursue a degree. The amount of studying required gives you little time to be involved in your community, church, or family life. The worldly environment (even on a Christian campus) can wear you down and leave you feeling drained spiritually. When you’re around people all day who are focused on self and climbing the ladder of “success” you can quickly find yourself thinking along those same lines.

God is my priority. Personally, I found it very hard to remain dedicated to Christ when my interests were divided between honoring God and earning a self-satisfying degree. That is not true for everybody, but I found that being in college was interfering with my ability to be the Christian I need to be. And since college is not something God requires of me and I do have other options, I see no reason to struggle through something that makes me unnecessarily weak as a Christian.

3) For me, college was a waste of time and money

Not only do you have to consider the impact college can have on your spiritual growth, but you also have to consider whether it is a wise use of your money. A typical degree can cost anywhere between $60,000 and $100,000. I came to the conclusion that being a good steward of God’s money meant not wasting it on a degree that I didn’t really need. Think about this: unless you are extremely blessed financially, if you choose to attend college you will likely enter marriage with debt from student loans. One way I believe I can support and help my future husband is by staying out of debt before marriage.

My biggest issue with college is not that it is inherently wrong. It’s not sinful in and of itself, and I have nothing against women being educated (though I honestly do not think that college gives you the highest education). My biggest complaint about college is how much valuable time it steals from young women. “Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil. So then do not be foolish but understand what the will of the Lord is.” (Ephesians 5:15-17).

Think how much you could accomplish in the four years that a typical degree requires. Think what a difference you could make if you chose to dedicate the years before marriage to serving Christ and His Church rather than pursuing a degree and a career to satisfy your own desires! Satan wants to distract us from our purpose of serving God and bringing others to Him, and college was one of those distractions for me. We have no idea how many years we will have on this earth. How much of your valuable time do you really want to spend sitting in a classroom learning facts that you will promptly forget when the next test is over?

4) College tends to encourage self-reliance rather than reliance on God.

During the course of a conversation on college, most of the questions I receive generally begin with the phrase, “But what if…?” What if your husband dies? What if you never marry? What if your father loses his job and can no longer support you living at home?

First off, these are very real concerns and I do not want to treat them lightly. At the same time, I have no desire to live my life in fear. “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10). We could live our whole lives preparing for the worst, or we could use the time we’ve been given to focus on furthering God’s Kingdom, knowing that God is on our side. For me, that means not wasting time in college or seeking a career. However, that does not mean that I could not step up to the plate, should a crisis occur and contribute to my family’s income.

This last summer my dad did lose his job and reality hit me. Life is hard. Being a helpless damsel in distress is not an option. I learned two big lessons during that time. 1) God is always faithful in providing what I need when I need it, and 2) it is possible to make it financially without resorting to sending women out to the workforce to hold down a steady job, even when times are uncertain (more on that later).

5) By staying home, I am free to flourish in my role as a Christian woman and focus on things which are of eternal value.

This, above all else, is why I chose to remain home until I marry. By spending my time at home and in the community rather than in a classroom I am able to do what I believe God really wants me to spend my time doing. Rather than handing the reins of my education over to a college, I have the opportunity to evaluate for myself (and based on God’s Word) what I want to read, study, learn, and accomplish. I am in a safe environment, I am under my parents’ authority and protection, and I am free to serve God to the utmost of my ability. I have the chance to serve those around me, help train and educate my younger sisters, strengthen my relationship with Christ and do things that will make a difference for eternity without the distraction of earning a degree. I know this is not the path that God leads every girl to follow, but it is the path God’s has placed me on, and I am so thankful that He has led me to the decision to stay home.

What really matters in the end is that you stay focused on doing what pleases God in your life. Whether that means remaining at home until marriage or living on a college campus while you earn a degree, God desires you to have a heart that seeks after Him in all things. It takes dedication and strength to stand against the world’s ideas of what a young woman should do with her life and to cling to God’s will for you, but it’s worth every second of struggle in the end.

“And make it your ambition to lead a quiet life and attend to your own business and work with your hands, just as we commanded you, so that you will behave properly toward outsiders and not be in any need.” (I Thessalonians 4:11).

All For Him,

Brittany N.

Created for a Purpose

15 Dec 2010 3 Comments

by campcommit in Stay-at-Home Daughters

There are few things which rile a feminist more than to state that God has designed women to fill a unique role. “Men and women are equal! How can you say that a woman is limited in what she can do with her life? How dare Christians insist that women conform to some outdated standard of living!” What they don’t understand is that conforming to God’s design for our lives is not confining; it is liberating. When we follow God’s plan, we do not have to flounder around looking for purpose in life. God has already assigned us, as His daughters, a part to play and He has given us clear directions on how to live. This frees us from the burden of figuring out how to relate to men and from confusion over how to use our time on this earth. It also opens up to us opportunities to serve in ways that men are not able to. When men and women dedicate themselves to following God’s pattern for biblical manhood and biblical womanhood, they compliment each other and thereby make a great impact on the world for Christ.

In Genesis 2:18, woman’s first purpose is brought to light, “Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make him a helper suitable for him.’” In all of creation, not a single living thing was found appropriate to walk with Adam through life in the garden. He needed someone like him to be his companion and helper. So, why didn’t God simply make another man? Because Adam, as a man, lacked something. And God had the perfect solution. He caused a deep sleep to fall over Adam and lovingly created from Adam’s side the perfect help-meet, the suitable companion, the finishing touch on creation – woman. Eve’s purpose in life was to comfort Adam, to work alongside him throughout life, to be someone with whom Adam could enjoy the wonders of Eden. She was God’s gift to man.

Why did God create woman from Adam’s rib? Why not his jaw, or his leg, or his toes? The Bible doesn’t mention any specific reason for why God chose the rib, but it has been suggested that this indicates woman’s role. I’ve heard it said that perhaps God did not take a bone from Adam’s head, because woman is not the head of the family. God did not take a bone from Adam’s foot, because man is not to trample on woman. God took a bone from Adam’s side, because Eve was to walk beside him, ever near to his heart and under his arm of protection. Although Scripture does not state this as the reason for God forming Eve from Adam’s rib, it’s an interesting thought to consider.

God saw that creation was incomplete without woman. He knew that Adam would need a suitable helper, and Eve had the great honor of being the perfect answer to Adam’s need. Genesis 2:23-24 tells us, “The man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman because she was taken out of man.’ For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.”

Ultimately, that is why woman was created. No matter what feminism says, woman’s original purpose in life was to bring glory to God by being a blessing to man. Ephesians 5:23-24 says, “For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.” Not only did God create woman to bless man, but He also created marriage to be a picture of Christ and the church. Just as the wife is to submit to the husband, so the church is to submit to Christ. But the husband is not to lord over the wife. Many passages speak to men about loving their wives just as Christ loves the church. Feminism claims that Christianity wants women to be doormats. On the contrary, when men fulfill their God-given roles, women will be treated with honor and respect, with undying love just as Christ loves each of us. Supporting men is not woman’s only role in life, but it is a large part of her calling.

Women are commanded to be submissive, to be hospitable, to love their husband and children, to be keepers at home, to be pure, sensible, and kind – all so that the Word of God will not be blasphemed (Titus 2:3-5). So how does all that apply to us as daughters? The mistake people often make is to assume that we don’t have to worry about fulfilling these commands until after we are married. The truth is, you are not going to suddenly wake up one day after your wedding and be the perfect little Susie Homemaker. Cultivating the right attitudes and abilities needed in marriage takes time, prayer and serious consideration. Think about it this way. A teacher spends four years in college learning how to teach. A lawyer spends at least seven years in school preparing to defend the law. A doctor spends eight or more years studying the best ways to care for patients. A Christian woman’s role as wife and mother is more important than any earthly career, so doesn’t it make sense that we would put just as much effort into preparing for that role as some people put into preparing for careers?

The characteristics these Scriptures describe are characteristics all Christian women should have, not just the married women. Single women are to be concerned with the work of the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:34), and in order to do that they will need to be sensible, pure, kind and submissive to authority. Even single daughters have a God-designed role to play. The years before marriage are not for running around seeking self-centered pleasures. We each have a position to fill in the Kingdom, regardless of our marital status. We must look to God’s Word as a guide for what our single years should look like, not the traditions of man or societal norms.

For Him,

Brittany N.

On Being Home

09 Dec 2010 9 Comments

by campcommit in Stay-at-Home Daughters

I am finally getting around to writing a series on being a stay-at-home daughter, which I said I would write over a year ago. The main reason I have put it off so long is because there is so much to say on the subject and I don’t feel qualified to be the one giving the advice because there is still so much I need to learn. However, I would like to share a few of my thoughts and experiences from this journey and hopefully encourage some of you who are already stay-at-home daughters as well as those of you who are considering alternatives to a college education. Before I begin this series, please note that my views do not necessarily represent the views of the entire Camp Commit staff.

Let me give you a little history. I was not raised with the idea that it would be beneficial for me to remain under my father’s roof until marriage. My parents homeschooled my siblings and me all the way through high school and instilled in us solid, biblical views of the roles of men and women, but they had never given much thought as to whether sending their girls off to get a “higher education” was a wise course of action. Though my mother always emphasized homemaking skills and the blessings of being a stay-at-home mom, she naturally assumed that I would go to college, briefly pursue some sort of career, and soon thereafter marry and raise children. Growing up, the idea of going away to college was not exactly an attractive one to me, but I – like most people – considered it a necessary step toward adulthood.

By the time I was thirteen I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I was going to be a full-time medical missionary. I would get my degree as a registered nurse and then live out the rest of my days on some foreign field spreading the gospel of Christ, ministering to people’s bodies and souls. No white apron, van full of kids, or cookie cutter house for me. I was going to make a difference in the world, and a family would just slow me down. Boy, has the Lord drastically changed my perspective in the last few years!

During my senior year in high school I enrolled in the general education classes at our community college in order to take the prerequisites for the nursing program. You know that saying that goes something like, “The best way to make God laugh is to tell Him your plans”? Well, God certainly must have been laughing at me! To make a long story short, through a series of fortunate events, God showed me how different my ways were from His ways, and He graciously brought me to a point where I was finally willing to give up my notions of what my life should look like.

The biggest thing that changed my perspective was reading So Much More by Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin. If you have not read it, I strongly encourage you to do so as soon as you can. While I don’t agree with all of their theology, and I believe their view on Salvation is wrong, the book deals more with the effects of feminism on our culture than with matters of doctrine and I think there is much to be gained from their insights. As I read the book by the Botkin sisters, I was continually challenged with biblical principles of what young women should do with their lives before marriage. While I took in their words, I realized just how much feminism had crept into my own life without me even realizing it. I was convicted by how far my idea of submission and a daughter’s role was from God’s idea. I realized that rather than seeking God’s will, I had essentially been saying, “God, this is what I’m going to do. Are you going to help me here or not?”

The second thing that helped me reevaluate my views was a trip I took with a friend who was touring a Christian campus. Though the people there weren’t participating in any obviously wicked activities, the girls were still caught up in short-term romances, they were deeply concerned about their image, they lived for the weekends when they could go out and have “fun,” and their opinions seemed to be based more on what other people would think of them than on God’s Word. The people who were concerned with getting good grades and who studied more than they partied were termed “anti-social.” Though they are paying more than $16,000 a year in tuition, many of the students don’t seem to care about how much debt they or their parents are getting into so that they can attend that college. Many see it as an opportunity to get away from home and make their own choices. And negative attitudes are not just coming from the students, either. Many of the classes, though taught by Christians, are full of humanistic viewpoints and feminist agendas which encourage girls to compete with and outdo men. After much prayer and study, I realized that was not an environment I wanted to subject myself to.

I had to take a hard look at my reasons for pursuing the nursing degree. What I discovered about myself was hard to swallow. Yes, I was trying to earn a medical degree to help other people, but I was also doing it for selfish reasons. I knew that there have already been thousands of people who have proved that homeschoolers are just as capable of succeeding in college as anyone else, but I wanted to go beyond that. I wanted to prove that I was not only capable of succeeding, but that I was capable of excelling in my education. If things had gone according to my plan, I would have been finished with the nursing program by the time I was eighteen. I also would have been the first of my siblings to attend college and earn a degree (my two older brothers chose to attend a preaching school after graduating high school – which is, in my reformed opinion, way more valuable than any degree). I pushed myself so hard that eventually I lost sight of why I had wanted to pursue that particular degree in the first place.

Not only was pride getting in the way of my surrendering to God’s will, but also my fear. Even after I realized how much better it would be to spend my time studying how to be a godly wife and mother and ministering to my own community, I feared what people would say. Having been homeschooled my whole life, I was used to people asking the same questions over and over (like, “Do you have any friends?” Or, “How can you be sure that you are staying on the same grade level as everyone else your age?” Or – every homeschooler’s favorite – “Do you get to do school in your pajamas?”). But it was different when I decided not to attend college.

Before, when people asked questions, I knew the answer to them. I knew how to reply. “Yes, I do have friends. Yes, I am allowed to do school in my pajamas, but I don’t like to. Yes, I take tests. No, the government is not the absolute authority when it comes to what is necessary to teach your children.” But suddenly I was at a loss as to how to answer these new questions that would come up. Like, “Do you think it is a sin for girls to go to college?” Or, “How can staying home be better than going to a foreign country and spreading God’s Word?” Or, (my personal favorite), “How are you going to find someone to marry if you don’t go to college???” It wasn’t so much that I didn’t know the answers to these questions; the problem was that I didn’t know how to articulate my feelings on the subjects without offending the other person – and without sounding like a “sadly sheltered and naïve” girl.

Maybe those are some of the questions that are running through your mind right now. In this series I would like to answer those and other questions as best I can, relying on God’s Word for how to live my life, not man’s ideals or priorities. Before you write me off as an uptight, hyper-conservative who “would like to go back to the days when women were suppressed and abused” – stick with me for awhile. You may not agree with me, but at least you will get another perspective.

For His Glory,

Brittany N.