Romeo, Romeo, WHERE Art Thou, Romeo?!
12 Feb 2011 11 Comments
“How are you going to find someone to marry if you don’t go to college?” This is a question I have received many, many times, and each time someone asks it, I find myself somewhat speechless – not because I don’t know how to answer, but because I find it funny that someone would actually feel the need to ask. It’s a pretty amusing question if you think about it. I mean, women managed to get married for hundreds of years without going away to college, and yet now we find it incredible that a young lady might actually meet a special young man whilst living under her father’s roof.
That question seems to assume several things. First, it assumes that going to college is somehow a guarantee of finding a mate. Second, it seems to suggest that it is impossible, under present circumstances, for me to interact with young men – as if I am locked away in a tower never to venture out into the “real” world. Third, it implies that if I want to get married, I’d best be sure to take an active role and throw myself into situations where there is an abundance of single men or I run the risk of ending up an old maid.
It’s no secret that many young women are in college to pursue a relationship rather than a degree. Girls who would like to start a family assume that going to college will increase their chances of finding a man to marry. But even at a Christian college, there is no guarantee that you will meet the right man. Having more men to choose from in no way makes the right man any easier to spot; in fact, it may complicate matters. (As a side note, say you did end up going to college because you felt that was the best place to find a husband – finding him could potentially cost more than $60,000! That’s one expensive guy!).
I do not need to throw myself into situations where single men abound. I do not even have to be concerned about whether or not I get married. There is a huge misconception when someone asks, “How are you going to find a man to marry?” The answer is, I’m not going to find a husband. I am depending on the Lord to find my husband, and I know that He is more than able to orchestrate events to bring us together whether we live in the same town or several countries away from each other. When did we stop believing that God can work through any circumstances to bring about His will? When did Christians start thinking that they need to help God along in the process of finding a mate? I see no reason to remove myself from my father’s protection simply because some think I would have a better chance of getting married if I throw myself out into the world.
The waters of guy/girl relationships can be pretty tricky to navigate in any circumstances. I simply cannot imagine trying to evaluate a young man’s worth without the input of those who know and love me most – my family. Does admitting that I may not always be able to make completely wise decisions regarding young men mean that I am not mature enough to get married? I don’t think so. God has given me my parents for a reason – to protect, guide and assist me until my father gives me away in marriage. I don’t think it is immature to rely on their wise counsel and listen to their advice about young men. I am a girl and, believe it or not, I am not always level-headed (I know that comes as a big shock). I’d rather have the support of my parents when it comes to making decisions about marriage than the advice of college students who do not necessarily have the same values as I do. Someone will have to keep my feet on the ground when I become twitter-pated over a young man, and I have more faith in my parents than in my peers to do so.
Soon after I answer the skeptical question about how I will ever find a man to marry if I live at home, the person I am speaking to usually looks at my sympathetically and asks, “What if you never get married?” as if to remind me that if I don’t take their advice, the terrible fate of spinsterhood looms on the horizon.
Rest assured, the idea of never getting married does not make me want to run out and drag the first guy I meet down to the courthouse to sign a marriage license. I am not desperate to get married. Seeing as I am the ripe old age of twenty, I know that’s hard for you to believe. I mean, come on, I’m practically a spinster already, it’s high time I consider the real possibility that I will remain single until the day I die ;-) But truly, marriage is not my main goal in life, therefore the idea of living without it does not send chills down my back.
Admittedly, one purpose of my living at home is to better prepare for marriage and motherhood. However, that is not the ONLY purpose of living at home. I do not have a rule that says, “If I’m not married by the time I’m 25, I will leave home and give up on the idea of biblical womanhood.” I have committed myself to remaining under my father’s roof because I believe God’s design is for fathers to protect their unmarried daughters. That principle does not expire when I reach a certain age and living at home is not simply a way of passing the time before marriage. “The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband.” (1 Corinthians 7:34). In this season of my life I have the opportunity to focus wholeheartedly on serving my Lord without the distraction of college, or being married, or feeling like I need to find a husband.
So, how will I find someone to marry? By waiting on God’s timing. What if I never get married? I will continue to serve God to the utmost of my ability. Obviously it is not God’s will that I be married today. I don’t see why I would live any different if the same should be true twenty years from now. Though I do hope to be married and raise a God-loving family one day, that is not my top priority right now. Using every ounce of energy to glorify God IS, and I can do that from home with less distractions than at a college campus.
“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:12-13). In marriage or in singleness, contentment is the key. And contentment comes with knowing that God has a plan for your life that will benefit the Kingdom, not simply fulfill your every whim and desire. We have a purpose bigger than just getting married, and we can fulfill that purpose through Christ who gives us strength.
For Him,
Brittany N.
