Twilight: The New Standard for Romance?

09 Aug 2010 6 Comments

by campcommit in Book and Movie Reviews

 

I had meant to write this article when the second Twilight movie, New Moon, was released, but I am just now getting around to writing my opinion on the series. I’ve written, rewritten, trashed and written this article over several times. My hesitancy in posting it comes from the fact that…. I’ve never actually read the books, so my opinion is based mostly on what I’ve seen the affects of the series to be on people around me. But here’s my two cents.

There are generally two groups of people. Those who adore the Twilight series, and those who want to throw up at the sight of the Edward and Bella posters. Without a doubt, the group that adores Stephanie Meyer’s books is the huge majority, but there are a few of us are concerned about the series and it’s affect on society.

Morbid, dark, and disturbing storyline aside, there is a big issue that the Twilight series brings to the table. It’s the issue of creating a longing in girls for a perfect man to sweep them off their feet. It’s the problem of setting up girls to expect a man to basically worship the ground they walk on. And it’s the disturbing fact that many girls are using this series to escape from reality and immerse themselves in a world where they can feel as if they are Bella and their Edward can and will do anything for them. In short – it is setting girls up for deep disappointment.

And it’s not just girls. Grown women are obsessing over Edward (or over Jacob, depending on personal preference), and are comparing their husbands with these fictional characters. “Why can’t my husband be as heroic as Edward? Why didn’t I marry someone as [insert fantastic description] as Jacob?” And on and on the comparisons go until pretty soon you have a dissatisfied wife, and a discouraged husband who feels like he’s having to measure up to a make-believe hero in order to fulfill the ridiculous expectations of his wife.

News flash: No man is perfect. Even bigger news flash: No woman is perfect either. (Yeah, I know, you would never have guessed. I hate to tell you this, but even as your husband will be no Edward, you are no Bella). When we allow ourselves to get lost in addicting stories like Twilight that present the image of a perfect guy and a perfect girl separated by (but ultimately overcoming) circumstances, we begin to expect that (begin reading with that breathless girl voice you know you have), “Some day a perfect guy will walk into my life, and despite all odds [and after an appropriate sequence of stunning adventures, of course], we will live happily ever after. Life may be tough, but it doesn’t matter what kind of bad decisions we make, as long as we end up together for eternity!!” As young girls tell me about how wonderful Edward and Jacob are, I can’t help but feel sorry for all the guys out there who will one day be trying to win the hearts of these girls and who will come to find that they simply can’t satisfy the longings of a girl who expects her future husband to be Edward-Cullen-drop-dead-gorgeous.

Twilight simply creates unreasonable expectations in young women. To quote one girl who found Edward to be the man of her dreams, “I love Edward not because he’s the ideal guy any girl could dream of, but because he is inspiring. His figure doesn’t make girls hide in their rooms and daydream all of their lives. It makes us go out and search for our own Edward. And the blessing comes after we have found him. We can stay forever in the bliss of having the most perfect guy in the universe all to ourselves.”

I’m afraid this young lady will be sadly disappointed when she discovers that the guy she thinks is going to satisfy her heart’s desires and keep her in a world of bliss forever and ever has some severe flaws – as we all do. I have seen so many people go into marriage expecting it to be a bed of roses, and at the first sign of a fight coming on, they split. Apparently not everybody realizes that “happily ever after” is a line from a fairytale, not a promise from God. When couples sense trouble approaching, they think that something is wrong with their marriage, and they often decide to go on a quest for a more [fill in the blank] spouse. Well, yes, something is wrong. They are both sinful humans, and because of that, they will never have the perfect marriage. Every marriage has some sort of problem, even if it’s only the fact that the wife prefers to keep the trash can under the sink and the husband likes it beside the front door. That doesn’t mean that we should go on a search for a more perfect person, it just means we have to be committed enough to our spouses to work through these issues in a God-honoring way.

Sadly, many girls believe that they will find that Edward or Jacob type – perfect guys willing to do absolutely anything for the girl they love, no matter what the cost. No offense to anyone, but I’ve never met any such guy, nor do I expect to. Don’t get me wrong, I know some amazingly strong, impressively committed, astoundingly godly guys who will makes some girls very happy some day (my own brothers included :); but they are not perfect. Christ is perfecting them, but they will never be without their faults. What bothers me about this “I want a perfect guy who worships me” mindset is that girls are now expecting to be treated like goddesses, instead of preparing to be the godly helpers that they are supposed to be to their husbands. Instead of seeking ways to assist their husbands, many women are laying on the couch wondering why their husband doesn’t cater more to their whims and wishes.

I’m praying for a man who is concerned about the things of God, about doing the Lord’s work, not someone who can’t think about anything except me. I would never want to be placed above God in any person’s mind. Yet that is what the Twilight series encourages girls to dwell on – being the one and only person to fill a boy’s every waking thought.

At first gland, Twilight appears to be a clean, “pro-abstinence”, harmlessly entertaining series. While Edward and Bella may technically be practicing abstinence, they are anything but pure. (For more on this subject, head over to www.visionarydaughters.com and read their article on “How Twilight is Re-vamping Romance”). While the series may seem harmless to the “mature” reader, it is anything but harmless to the lonely, vulnerable teenage girl harboring worldly hopes for romance and adventure. It creates a longing that cannot be satisfied by a fallible man, and it promotes a desire for inappropriate intimacy before marriage. Bella is continually trying to get Edward to do things that she knows he doesn’t want to do (I.e., kissing her – it’s not that he doesn’t want to kiss her, it’s that he will not be able to control himself if he does and could end up killing her). She puts herself and Edward at risk because of her selfish desires.

Another disturbing element of the story is that Bella tells Edward he means more to her than her very soul. For Christians who have been bought by the blood of Christ, this should be a shocking, revolting idea. To read a passage in which a girl tells a boy that he means more to her than her eternity, and in your heart silently cheer, is to think lightly of Christ’s sacrifice. How can a Christian, whose God went to the cross in order to redeem her soul, read Bella’s statement about not caring whether or not her soul is torn apart and applaud her concept of true love?

As Jasmine Baucham commented in her article Eclipse: An Ideal Romance?, “God’s Word tells us to flee sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18). As we flee it in the physical sense, so we ought also be careful what we’re feeding our minds, and what we’re turning our hearts towards. As Christian young women who have been called to take every thought captive (2 Corinthians 10:4-5), I worry about how many of our thoughts are being held captive by the soap opera that is the Twilight saga.” (The rest of Jasmine’s article can be read here http://www.ladiesagainstfeminism.com/for-the-unmarried/eclipse-an-ideal-romance/)

It’s not as if there aren’t any other books to read – wholesome, uplifting, pure books. Surely we can use better judgment and fill our minds with “whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute…” (Philippians 4:8).

I know that many Christians view the Twilight series as simply entertainment and therefore not a big deal, but we need to be careful about what we allow ourselves to dwell on. If Twilight is taking over your every thought, and if you find yourself dreaming about being Bella, it may be time to put the books down and meditate on Scripture. Are you “taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ”? (2 Corinthians 10:5). Or are you dwelling on unwholesome expectations?

I’m not condemning those who enjoy the books, I’m just cautioning you to examine whether or not they are stories God would approve of you reading. What you put into your mind will flow into your heart, and what’s in your heart will overflow into your life. Don’t look for guys to fill every longing of your heart. Only God can do that. Edward is fictional. Get over it. But just because there are no perfect men in the world does not mean that there is not a right man for you. God knows who (and if) He wants you to marry, and you don’t have to go out on a quest to find “your Edward Cullen”. Wait on Him to bring the right man into your life, in the right way, and at the right time, and realize that you both will have sins and failures to work on. The thing that matters is whether or not you are both looking to God to perfect you. In the meantime, cultivate godly standards for friendships with guys, not values based on the latest cultural obsession.

“Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.” Proverbs 4:23.

All For Him,

Miss Brittany N.

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